I Have Found My Voice and I Refuse to Shut Up

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The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker

In light of the most recent personal attack from my ex husband and all those during our marriage and post-divorce, I must say I’m exhausted.

Not from the constant emotional rollercoaster ride he tries to force me on or the verbal judo he throws out there…that just doesn’t work anymore…BUT from all the sex he claims I’ve had.

●the groomsmen at our wedding

●the friend who looked like Elliot Stabler from Law and Order

●the cashier at the grocery store

●his boss

●the neighbors

●the preacher

●the dentist

●the chiropractor

●Owen Wilson (I wish)

●my deceased sister’s husband

●our daughter’s best friend’s dad

●the woman he had an affair with’s husband (although I did once end up on a blind date with her ex husband’s sister’s ex husband…yea that was too close for comfort)

●my best friend’s husband

●my best friend (apparently I swing both ways)

●and the many, many others that don’t currently come to mind…the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker…

I’m just exhausted.

It’s a wonder I can still walk.

My uterus should have just fallen out by now.

I just agree with him. What can I say? I’m a lover not a fighter…

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What are you doing with your 90%?

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond.

We can’t always be in control of what happens to us but we are in control of how we choose to respond.

Do you choose to be happy or miserable?

Do you lift those around you up or do you bring them down?

I never want to be known as a negative influence in anyone’s life. I choose to be happy and make the most my 90%.

What are you doing with your 90%?

Write yourself a happy ending,

Forgiveness

For years now my ex husband occasionally spews at me that I don’t know how to forgive, that I hold grudges, and that I obviously never loved him.

We’ve been divorced 8 years. It’s time to let go.

He believes forgiveness means we become ‘friends’.

We can never be friends.

I choose not to be ‘friends’ with anyone who mistreats me or has obvious disdain for me.

I choose not to engage him or respond to him during his personal attacks on me. (I have nothing to prove to him.) Yet I’m to blame for starting ‘petty arguments’ if I stand up for one of our kids.

I admit for many years I did have much hatred in my heart for him. I hated him with every breath I took.

It wasn’t until I knew the end of our relationship was upon us that I was able to let go of the hatred and forgive him. That forgiveness was for my sake. I wanted out of the relationship with my sanity in tact. I didn’t want to be a bitter, cold, hard-hearted person incapable of loving or trusting anyone else.

I do not love him nor do I hate him. Both are strong emotions and either way it means you have feelings for someone. I have nothing left for him. I just want to be left alone and live my life in peace.

Yes, I have forgiven him…many, many times as once is just not enough. I hope some day he can learn to forgive himself.

“Maybe if you would stop trying to replace me, you would find a man.”

Replace
1. To put back into a former position or place.
2. To take or fill the place of.
3. To be or provide a substitute for.

That was said to me last night by my very angry ex because our son did not want to visit with him this weekend. What that (and many other things that were said) has to do with our son is beyond me.

I don’t even feel the need to defend myself or provide an explanation for the above quote. I think the meaning behind it speaks for itself.

Have a blessed weekend. Stay strong and write yourself a happy ending!!!

“It’s not about what’s wrong with me. It’s about what’s right with me. I refuse to settle.”

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After getting out of an outright ‘in your face’ abusive marriage. I landed in the arms of a passive aggressive.

Passive aggressives also have an inability to express their anger in a healthy way. It took me a while to figure out exactly what was going on as I was used to the complete opposite.

My passive aggressive was about denying me attention when he was mad…denying he was mad…pouting, giving me the silent treatment if I spent time with my kids or friends, trying to lay guilt trips on me, (Guilt trips do not work on me they just piss me off.) lying about little things to keep me in the relationship. I could always tell when he was lying. I called him out on everything and he was amazed I knew ‘his game’.

I was madly in love with him but knew it was not a healthy relationship so, as much as it broke my heart, I ended it. I deserve better. My kids deserve better.

I’m actually very thankful for that relationship. It was affirmation that I am not broken. I am capable of love. I left my marriage with no ounce of love in my heart…no attachment…no remorse. I left my passive aggressive broken-hearted yet determined. I know in my heart the right person is out there somewhere. I just refuse to settle.

People often ask me why I’m
single…what’s wrong with me.

My response, “It’s not about what’s wrong with me. It’s about what’s right with me. I refuse to settle.”

It Is Not My Shame…I Am Not To Blame…

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Every 2 minutes, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted.

There is an average of 207,754 victims (age 12 or older) of sexual assault each year.

54% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police.

97% of rapists will never spend a day in jail.

Approximately 2/3 of assaults are committed by someone known to the victim.

38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.

Sexual violence knows no boundaries, reaches every age, race, class, gender and sexual orientation. It affects entire communities from high schools to college campuses, the workplace and our own homes.

Many victims will never seek justice for a host of fears: not being believed, reliving traumatic experiences, retribution.

The effects on victims and society are profound. Many rape victims suffer severe long-term physical and emotional difficulties. They experience higher rates of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder and even thoughts of suicide.

Believe in Yourself

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Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there.  To serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be but when you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.
And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible,
painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming
those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, will
power or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of
good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer
stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small
tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere.
Safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you
experience can create who you are, and the bad experiences can be learned
from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because
they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious
to whom you open your heart.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they
love you, but because they are teaching you to love and to open your heart
and eyes to little things. Make every day count.

Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can,
for you may never be able to experience it again.

Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let
yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high.

Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a
great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in
yourself, no one else will believe in you. Create your own life and then go
out and live it.

“If you take your eyes off your goals, all you see are obstacles.”

Author Unknown