I Have Found My Voice and I Refuse to Shut Up

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The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker

In light of the most recent personal attack from my ex husband and all those during our marriage and post-divorce, I must say I’m exhausted.

Not from the constant emotional rollercoaster ride he tries to force me on or the verbal judo he throws out there…that just doesn’t work anymore…BUT from all the sex he claims I’ve had.

●the groomsmen at our wedding

●the friend who looked like Elliot Stabler from Law and Order

●the cashier at the grocery store

●his boss

●the neighbors

●the preacher

●the dentist

●the chiropractor

●Owen Wilson (I wish)

●my deceased sister’s husband

●our daughter’s best friend’s dad

●the woman he had an affair with’s husband (although I did once end up on a blind date with her ex husband’s sister’s ex husband…yea that was too close for comfort)

●my best friend’s husband

●my best friend (apparently I swing both ways)

●and the many, many others that don’t currently come to mind…the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker…

I’m just exhausted.

It’s a wonder I can still walk.

My uterus should have just fallen out by now.

I just agree with him. What can I say? I’m a lover not a fighter…

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What are you doing with your 90%?

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond.

We can’t always be in control of what happens to us but we are in control of how we choose to respond.

Do you choose to be happy or miserable?

Do you lift those around you up or do you bring them down?

I never want to be known as a negative influence in anyone’s life. I choose to be happy and make the most my 90%.

What are you doing with your 90%?

Write yourself a happy ending,

Forgiveness

For years now my ex husband occasionally spews at me that I don’t know how to forgive, that I hold grudges, and that I obviously never loved him.

We’ve been divorced 8 years. It’s time to let go.

He believes forgiveness means we become ‘friends’.

We can never be friends.

I choose not to be ‘friends’ with anyone who mistreats me or has obvious disdain for me.

I choose not to engage him or respond to him during his personal attacks on me. (I have nothing to prove to him.) Yet I’m to blame for starting ‘petty arguments’ if I stand up for one of our kids.

I admit for many years I did have much hatred in my heart for him. I hated him with every breath I took.

It wasn’t until I knew the end of our relationship was upon us that I was able to let go of the hatred and forgive him. That forgiveness was for my sake. I wanted out of the relationship with my sanity in tact. I didn’t want to be a bitter, cold, hard-hearted person incapable of loving or trusting anyone else.

I do not love him nor do I hate him. Both are strong emotions and either way it means you have feelings for someone. I have nothing left for him. I just want to be left alone and live my life in peace.

Yes, I have forgiven him…many, many times as once is just not enough. I hope some day he can learn to forgive himself.

“Maybe if you would stop trying to replace me, you would find a man.”

Replace
1. To put back into a former position or place.
2. To take or fill the place of.
3. To be or provide a substitute for.

That was said to me last night by my very angry ex because our son did not want to visit with him this weekend. What that (and many other things that were said) has to do with our son is beyond me.

I don’t even feel the need to defend myself or provide an explanation for the above quote. I think the meaning behind it speaks for itself.

Have a blessed weekend. Stay strong and write yourself a happy ending!!!

“It’s not about what’s wrong with me. It’s about what’s right with me. I refuse to settle.”

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After getting out of an outright ‘in your face’ abusive marriage. I landed in the arms of a passive aggressive.

Passive aggressives also have an inability to express their anger in a healthy way. It took me a while to figure out exactly what was going on as I was used to the complete opposite.

My passive aggressive was about denying me attention when he was mad…denying he was mad…pouting, giving me the silent treatment if I spent time with my kids or friends, trying to lay guilt trips on me, (Guilt trips do not work on me they just piss me off.) lying about little things to keep me in the relationship. I could always tell when he was lying. I called him out on everything and he was amazed I knew ‘his game’.

I was madly in love with him but knew it was not a healthy relationship so, as much as it broke my heart, I ended it. I deserve better. My kids deserve better.

I’m actually very thankful for that relationship. It was affirmation that I am not broken. I am capable of love. I left my marriage with no ounce of love in my heart…no attachment…no remorse. I left my passive aggressive broken-hearted yet determined. I know in my heart the right person is out there somewhere. I just refuse to settle.

People often ask me why I’m
single…what’s wrong with me.

My response, “It’s not about what’s wrong with me. It’s about what’s right with me. I refuse to settle.”

It Is Not My Shame…I Am Not To Blame…

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Every 2 minutes, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted.

There is an average of 207,754 victims (age 12 or older) of sexual assault each year.

54% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police.

97% of rapists will never spend a day in jail.

Approximately 2/3 of assaults are committed by someone known to the victim.

38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.

Sexual violence knows no boundaries, reaches every age, race, class, gender and sexual orientation. It affects entire communities from high schools to college campuses, the workplace and our own homes.

Many victims will never seek justice for a host of fears: not being believed, reliving traumatic experiences, retribution.

The effects on victims and society are profound. Many rape victims suffer severe long-term physical and emotional difficulties. They experience higher rates of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder and even thoughts of suicide.

Things My Abuser Said to Me (usually through gritted teeth and clenched fists)

(Please excuse the offensive language but it’s important to hear and feel the full impact of what was said.)

Stupid fucking bitch!!

IF you were raped I’m sure it was your own fault.

You are nothing compared to my high school sweetheart.

Tears are a sign of weakness so quit feeling sorry for yourself. Are you going to have a pity party…boohoohoo.

What kind of a mother are you?

You don’t have any friends. No one likes you.

You must be a lesbian. You’d rather spend time with your girlfriends than me.

No you cannot sell stupid candles if it means you won’t be home to do my laundry.

I’m not your babysitter. Take the kids with you.

You don’t appreciate the fact that I allow you to stay home and take care of the kids and not work.

I know you have slept with every man who has ever knocked on the front door.

Don’t you ever walk away from me. No one ever walks away from me.

It’s your fault I pushed you down the stairs. You shouldn’t have walked away from me.

You’re lucky I don’t hit you…stupid fucking bitch.

Your sense of reality is warped. You live in a fantasy world.

You deserve what I say you deserve.

Shut the fuck up!!

I’m a man and I know how to please a woman. Don’t you ever tell me you don’t enjoy it.

I’m not an alcoholic. It’s your fault I drink.

Fucking liar.

If you ever ask me to choose between you and her, I will look you right in the eye and say FUCK YOU!

If you ever expect to find a man who doesn’t curse you and punch holes in walls I hope you’re prepared to spend the rest of your life alone.

I hate you. You ruined my life.

I’m not abusive. You exaggerate everything.