I Have Found My Voice and I Refuse to Shut Up

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It Is Not My Shame…I Am Not To Blame…

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Every 2 minutes, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted.

There is an average of 207,754 victims (age 12 or older) of sexual assault each year.

54% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police.

97% of rapists will never spend a day in jail.

Approximately 2/3 of assaults are committed by someone known to the victim.

38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.

Sexual violence knows no boundaries, reaches every age, race, class, gender and sexual orientation. It affects entire communities from high schools to college campuses, the workplace and our own homes.

Many victims will never seek justice for a host of fears: not being believed, reliving traumatic experiences, retribution.

The effects on victims and society are profound. Many rape victims suffer severe long-term physical and emotional difficulties. They experience higher rates of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder and even thoughts of suicide.

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Safety Planning

If you are still in the relationship:

Think of a safe place to go if an argument occurs – avoid rooms with no exits (bathroom), or rooms with weapons (kitchen).

Think about and make a list of safe people to contact.

Keep change with you at all times.

Memorize all important numbers.

Establish a “code word” or “sign” so that family, friends, teachers or co-workers know when to call for help.

Think about what you will say to your partner if he\she becomes violent.

Remember, you have the right to live without fear and violence.

If you have left the relationship:

Change your phone number.

Screen calls.

Save and document all contacts, messages, injuries or other incidents involving the batterer.

Change locks, if the batterer has a key.

Avoid staying alone.

Plan how to get away if confronted by an abusive partner.

If you have to meet your partner, do it in a public place.

Vary your routine.

Notify school and work contacts.

Call a shelter for battered women.

If you leave the relationship or are thinking of leaving, you should take important papers and documents with you to enable you to apply for benefits or take legal action.

Important papers you should take include social security cards and birth certificates for you and your children, your marriage license, leases or deeds in your name or both yours and your partner’s names, your checkbook, your charge cards, bank statements and charge account statements, insurance policies, proof of income for you and your spouse (pay stubs or W-2’s), and any documentation of past incidents of abuse (photos, police reports, medical records, etc.)

Believe in Yourself

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Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there.  To serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be but when you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.
And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible,
painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming
those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, will
power or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of
good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer
stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small
tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere.
Safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you
experience can create who you are, and the bad experiences can be learned
from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because
they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious
to whom you open your heart.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they
love you, but because they are teaching you to love and to open your heart
and eyes to little things. Make every day count.

Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can,
for you may never be able to experience it again.

Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let
yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high.

Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a
great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in
yourself, no one else will believe in you. Create your own life and then go
out and live it.

“If you take your eyes off your goals, all you see are obstacles.”

Author Unknown

Books I have read over and over again and highly recommend…

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The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans

This book was a blessing to me. It gave me so much insight and affirmation.

It is a must read for everyone!!

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Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft

Another incredible book. I had the pleasure of attending one of Mr. Bancroft’s workshops in Nashville, Tennessee and meeting him in person.

Thank you to both authors for their voice and wisdom!

Things My Abuser Said to Me (usually through gritted teeth and clenched fists)

(Please excuse the offensive language but it’s important to hear and feel the full impact of what was said.)

Stupid fucking bitch!!

IF you were raped I’m sure it was your own fault.

You are nothing compared to my high school sweetheart.

Tears are a sign of weakness so quit feeling sorry for yourself. Are you going to have a pity party…boohoohoo.

What kind of a mother are you?

You don’t have any friends. No one likes you.

You must be a lesbian. You’d rather spend time with your girlfriends than me.

No you cannot sell stupid candles if it means you won’t be home to do my laundry.

I’m not your babysitter. Take the kids with you.

You don’t appreciate the fact that I allow you to stay home and take care of the kids and not work.

I know you have slept with every man who has ever knocked on the front door.

Don’t you ever walk away from me. No one ever walks away from me.

It’s your fault I pushed you down the stairs. You shouldn’t have walked away from me.

You’re lucky I don’t hit you…stupid fucking bitch.

Your sense of reality is warped. You live in a fantasy world.

You deserve what I say you deserve.

Shut the fuck up!!

I’m a man and I know how to please a woman. Don’t you ever tell me you don’t enjoy it.

I’m not an alcoholic. It’s your fault I drink.

Fucking liar.

If you ever ask me to choose between you and her, I will look you right in the eye and say FUCK YOU!

If you ever expect to find a man who doesn’t curse you and punch holes in walls I hope you’re prepared to spend the rest of your life alone.

I hate you. You ruined my life.

I’m not abusive. You exaggerate everything.

this girl has a dragon tattoo: a letter to my rapist

turneramy182

This is a letter that I sent to my ex who raped me when I was 22. I have lived in pain and despair since this happened. I was too afraid to report him directly after. Then blocked it out, and was told b/c I did that I couldn’t prosecute him so this my answer to that!  Let him do his worst to me now. I am not afraid!

I have spent 12 years, bowing down to you. In the fear, that I may anger you and you will abandon me. I have only once stood up for myself. And I was so scared of your reaction that I apologized and apologized to try to make you happy again. I had no self esteem before you, and I wanted soo much to be loved. I send email after email, trying to fix the rejection I feel and have been feeling…

View original post 908 more words

15 Signs Someone Might Be Dangerous

Do they do one or more of these things? Then it’s time to get help or get out.

1. Wants to get involved fast: Right away he wants you to promise to only be with him. Says, “No one’s ever loved me like you do.”

2. Jealous: He wants to make sure you aren’t with anyone else; calls all the time, or shows up without telling you he’s coming.

3.Wants to control you: Wants to know who you talked to and where you were; checks mileage on your car; keeps all the money; makes you ask for his OK to go anywhere or do anything.

4. Expects you to be perfect: He expects you to know what he wants and meet his every need.

5. Cuts you off from others: Doesn’t want you to see family and friends; won’t let you have a phone or a car; doesn’t want you to work.

6. Blames others for problems: If anything goes wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault–the boss, you. Everyone is out to get him.

7. Blames others for his feelings: He says, “You’re hurting me by not doing what I tell you” or “You make me mad” instead of “I’m mad.

8. Gets upset easily: He gets mad about things that are just part of life.

9. Hurts animals and children: Kills or punishes animals. Wants children to do things they can’t, or teases them until they cry.

10. Uses force during sex: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; says he finds the idea of rape exciting.

11. Says things to hurt you: Always criticizes you or says cruel things; puts you down, curses, calls you ugly names.

12. Thinks women should obey men: Wants you to serve, obey and stay at home.

13. Sudden changes in mood: Switches from sweet and loving to mad in a few minutes.

14. Has hit women before: Says he hit women in the past.

15. Says he will hurt you: Says things like “I’ll break your neck, then says” I didn’t really mean it.”

Don’t wait until you get hurt ! Get help or get out.

Please note: by referring to ‘he’ and ‘him’ I am not implying that only men are abusive. Both men and women can be abusive. Everything posted on site applies to both genders.

Crisis Lines

Anonymous and Confidential Help
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)