I Have Found My Voice and I Refuse to Shut Up

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Forgiveness

For years now my ex husband occasionally spews at me that I don’t know how to forgive, that I hold grudges, and that I obviously never loved him.

We’ve been divorced 8 years. It’s time to let go.

He believes forgiveness means we become ‘friends’.

We can never be friends.

I choose not to be ‘friends’ with anyone who mistreats me or has obvious disdain for me.

I choose not to engage him or respond to him during his personal attacks on me. (I have nothing to prove to him.) Yet I’m to blame for starting ‘petty arguments’ if I stand up for one of our kids.

I admit for many years I did have much hatred in my heart for him. I hated him with every breath I took.

It wasn’t until I knew the end of our relationship was upon us that I was able to let go of the hatred and forgive him. That forgiveness was for my sake. I wanted out of the relationship with my sanity in tact. I didn’t want to be a bitter, cold, hard-hearted person incapable of loving or trusting anyone else.

I do not love him nor do I hate him. Both are strong emotions and either way it means you have feelings for someone. I have nothing left for him. I just want to be left alone and live my life in peace.

Yes, I have forgiven him…many, many times as once is just not enough. I hope some day he can learn to forgive himself.

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4 Comments

  1. svivr2013 says:

    Wow! Just Wow! I am struggling with forgiveness right now for my abusive ex-fiance but more for myself. I have drafted my next blog and it is on this topic. So glad I read this. Nice to know some of my feelings I have are not crazy! Thank you so much. Rebecca

  2. rjl2727 says:

    you know (and no humor here) i appreciate that you were able to forgive. i do, however, believe that some people are so deeply evil that they deserve no forgiveness, and their victims owe them none.

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