I Have Found My Voice and I Refuse to Shut Up

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Monthly Archives: November 2013

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The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker

In light of the most recent personal attack from my ex husband and all those during our marriage and post-divorce, I must say I’m exhausted.

Not from the constant emotional rollercoaster ride he tries to force me on or the verbal judo he throws out there…that just doesn’t work anymore…BUT from all the sex he claims I’ve had.

●the groomsmen at our wedding

●the friend who looked like Elliot Stabler from Law and Order

●the cashier at the grocery store

●his boss

●the neighbors

●the preacher

●the dentist

●the chiropractor

●Owen Wilson (I wish)

●my deceased sister’s husband

●our daughter’s best friend’s dad

●the woman he had an affair with’s husband (although I did once end up on a blind date with her ex husband’s sister’s ex husband…yea that was too close for comfort)

●my best friend’s husband

●my best friend (apparently I swing both ways)

●and the many, many others that don’t currently come to mind…the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker…

I’m just exhausted.

It’s a wonder I can still walk.

My uterus should have just fallen out by now.

I just agree with him. What can I say? I’m a lover not a fighter…

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What are you doing with your 90%?

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond.

We can’t always be in control of what happens to us but we are in control of how we choose to respond.

Do you choose to be happy or miserable?

Do you lift those around you up or do you bring them down?

I never want to be known as a negative influence in anyone’s life. I choose to be happy and make the most my 90%.

What are you doing with your 90%?

Write yourself a happy ending,

Forgiveness

For years now my ex husband occasionally spews at me that I don’t know how to forgive, that I hold grudges, and that I obviously never loved him.

We’ve been divorced 8 years. It’s time to let go.

He believes forgiveness means we become ‘friends’.

We can never be friends.

I choose not to be ‘friends’ with anyone who mistreats me or has obvious disdain for me.

I choose not to engage him or respond to him during his personal attacks on me. (I have nothing to prove to him.) Yet I’m to blame for starting ‘petty arguments’ if I stand up for one of our kids.

I admit for many years I did have much hatred in my heart for him. I hated him with every breath I took.

It wasn’t until I knew the end of our relationship was upon us that I was able to let go of the hatred and forgive him. That forgiveness was for my sake. I wanted out of the relationship with my sanity in tact. I didn’t want to be a bitter, cold, hard-hearted person incapable of loving or trusting anyone else.

I do not love him nor do I hate him. Both are strong emotions and either way it means you have feelings for someone. I have nothing left for him. I just want to be left alone and live my life in peace.

Yes, I have forgiven him…many, many times as once is just not enough. I hope some day he can learn to forgive himself.

“Maybe if you would stop trying to replace me, you would find a man.”

Replace
1. To put back into a former position or place.
2. To take or fill the place of.
3. To be or provide a substitute for.

That was said to me last night by my very angry ex because our son did not want to visit with him this weekend. What that (and many other things that were said) has to do with our son is beyond me.

I don’t even feel the need to defend myself or provide an explanation for the above quote. I think the meaning behind it speaks for itself.

Have a blessed weekend. Stay strong and write yourself a happy ending!!!